Introduction to Confidence
Confidence never was a strong suit of mine.
It wasn’t until the past year or so that I began working on my confidence. Having low self-esteem got to the point that it was interfering with my daily life and holding me back from my goals.
I knew something had to change.
Constantly worrying about how others viewed me and my abilities seriously got in the way of my productivity. My self-esteem took a deep plunge as I put more importance on how others thought about me rather than how I thought about myself.
Caring so much about pleasing others or fitting in made me not feel good enough.
You would think that our brains would be hardwired to automatically see ourselves in a good light. Because, let’s face it, letting ourselves overthink and worry about what people are thinking is only damaging to ourselves.
Not to mention useless since they don’t think twice about it once we leave the room.
Plus, when this is coupled with the false belief that confidence is rare and bad often leads to a life full of dissatisfaction.
So, how do we stop caring so much about what other people think?
People that walk with determination and an air of importance either hold high regard or contempt from others.
Who does she think she is, dressed like that? Or, you know he’s compensating for something.
Neither of these things is a great response to confidence, but they’re usually what we hear (and speak) most of. But, why is it like this?
It’s All Subjective
People are creatures of “fitting in,” or as my psychology courses say, conformity.
We flock to people of similar lifestyles because we feel that we belong there. Understandably, we wouldn’t want to surround ourselves with people we don’t relate to.
It’s like putting a vegan in a household of strict meat eaters, to put simply.
So, when someone is faced with a differing lifestyle or view, it could be considered out there.
This is typically due to past ridicule which gives a chance that they won’t understand how the other appears to do this freely. While these thoughts are unnoticed most times and subconscious, our attacks on others usually lie within our own self-image.
It’s important to note that people attack what they aren’t comfortable with, and usually this boils down to what they dislike about themselves. But that’s a topic I can discuss at another time.
Reality of Confidence
A few days ago I wore my sweat pants and a gray t-shirt to the dollar store. My hair was a mess, I wore no makeup… and guess what?
I was still confident.
Confident about what? Well, that’s the thing. Confidence is the product of this little thing we call beauty and purpose.
And all that is simply reality perception.
The secret is that beauty and purpose are subjective. One person sees both these things in a different light than the next.
That’s why beauty standards are constantly changing and the purposes of individuals, groups, companies, and whoever else are never the same. Confidence is the person deciding for themselves what is best (and good enough) and just going with it.
This leads to confidence being found in one of two ways.
- Confidence due to someone rocking a trending style. Which is great.
- Confidence due to someone rocking their own style. Which is great, too.
Of course, confidence doesn’t even have to do with style.
But, what it does have to do with is the freedom of being comfortable with your present life. That’s where we find the future becomes brighter.
Plus, how do you expect new trends to come about?
If you were to tell me three years ago that I would be seriously considering moving into a van or RV to travel and write full time, I’d have thought you were crazy. But now here I am dreaming of all the beautiful sights I’d see and interesting people I’d meet.
New trends also develop either gradually or suddenly. The world is constantly changing and people don’t want to be left behind. The more confident you appear with your life and choices, the more they will trust you.
People want to fit in, and if they think something is changing, they’re going to be looking out for what to do next.
Okay, but this doesn’t help me overcome those nasty thoughts.
The Truth About Anxiety
Anxiety is one of the many ways our brains try to protect us. However, it’s also one of the most harmful ways it does.
And it’s also not something that can just be fixed with a single article.
I get it, I do. I can sit here and tell you to talk to yourself in a positive manner (which I still urge you to do), but this isn’t a quick fix.
What I can tell you is that there are ways to better manage your anxiety. I’m a person that needs information to feel reassured. I can’t just tell myself, it’s all okay when I know that’s basically a bandaid on an open wound in the heat of the moment.
But, what I have found that helps is information.
Since I don’t know what the exact situation you may be facing at any given moment, I can at least share some valuable facts that I have found to be of great use during my bouts of anxiety.
According to the National Science Foundation, 95% of our daily thoughts are repetitive (I plan to do an article on why this is important) and 80% are negative. These are significant numbers, right?
But listen to this, out of those 80% negative thoughts, which are known to be repetitive as well, 85% never happen.
That leaves 15% that actually happen. And you know what else that study found? Approximately 79% of people reported being able to handle it better than they originally thought. My favorite part is that people even said that the difficulty even brought about a lesson they believed to be worth learning.
How does this help in a given anxious situation?
One of my biggest pieces of advice is to ask yourself questions until you get to the bottom of an issue. But, if you’re overwhelmed with everything that’s going on, you can reassure yourself that the chances of something bad happening are pretty low according to science.
It gives you the upper hand over your anxiety.
If something begins to stress you out, you can help relieve tension in the moment by finding comfort in these numbers.
So, the next time you are about to face the world, keep this information at hand. I didn’t realize before I first tried it out how helpful it was going to be.
Now I love sharing this with others.
Hopefully, this article helps to put your anxieties in a new perspective. Keeping in mind that beauty is subjective and confidence is simply deciding not to doubt yourself anymore, you will be able to go about your goals with a renewed determination.
Now, get out there and be confident. This world needs a little more flavor.