Loving the Person in the Mirror
Why you must love yourself before you change yourself.
Hello, person on a journey. You’re here because either you accidentally clicked this article or because you want to be at ease with yourself. You’re tired of the way you feel inside, tired of the insecurity and lack of confidence. You want a change and you want it now.
It’s a long journey as anyone will tell you. It starts with a change of mindset and continues with bouts of doubt. I applaud you for seeking more than those false negative thoughts.
As someone still on the journey herself, mine specifically being weight loss, I know that it isn’t always easy. You’ll begin to question yourself, wondering why you deserve to have confidence when you haven’t reached your goals. Or maybe you have reached your goals, but you don’t feel different. You still feel icky inside and don’t know why.
I do.
Before you begin on the epic journey of changing your physical appearance, there’s a crucial step that must be taken. It’s called self-love and it begins with a decision to say I’ll give it a shot.
Why Weight Loss/Gain Isn’t Enough
Yes, you read that right.
I found out the hard way that losing weight (or gaining weight) is not enough for the inner transformation. For most of my life, I thought that losing weight was the means to happiness. My daily thoughts consisted of if I lost the weight, I’d wear that dress and once I’m skinny, I’ll make more friends.
The idea that losing weight to me was that people didn’t like me because of my weight. I was incredibly wrong about that and I was also wrong that I would magically gain confidence. Or self-esteem. Or a magical cure to my anxiety and depression.
Except I found that when I lost weight, I felt like an imposter. I went through cycles of weight loss and weight gain. When I lost over thirty pounds a year ago, I did it in an unhealthy way. I thought that losing weight was a good thing, so why didn’t I feel better internally?
The problem was that I always felt the same way about myself, whether I was heavy or thin. That’s the problem with weight gain or loss. If you don’t believe you are already beautiful, you will never believe it.
How to Begin Self Love
The way I began was by pretending.
Every time I walked by a mirror, I’d stop and look at myself. And, let me tell you, this was freaking difficult. Did you know that I had this aversion to mirrors? During the seventy-pound climb, I stopped looking into mirrors due to the hatred that I was allowing this to happen to myself.
Of course, nothing I did stopped that gain. I exercised and ate the best I could in my situation, but the weight kept piling on. You know why? Because I believed that I was fat. I believed I had a slow metabolism. And I believed that nothing I was doing was helping.
Looking into the mirror causes you to see the flaws that you believe plague your body. Maybe it’s cellulite, maybe your eye color, maybe your thighs. For me, it was nearly everything.
Then, take what you hate about yourself and tell yourself that you love it. I love my round face was the first thing I told myself. I should have said my stomach, but it already felt like a lie.
It will feel like a lie for a little time.
List out the things you hate but exchange the word for love. Say it with no pause between each item, don’t give your brain a chance to question your words. When you speak quickly and with intention, your subconscious takes it as it is.
Then continue about your day without thinking about it. Next time you pass a mirror, do the same thing.
When you do this, your subconscious picks up on the words your saying and basically files it away. When the reality doesn’t line up with your words, which will turn to belief with repetition, your subconscious will work until it’s true.
Practicing Self Love
Great, you got a head start. You started telling yourself that you love yourself physically. Day by day you will begin to take it with earnest. I have! It’s one of the greatest feelings not to be ashamed of the mirror.
Now, you focus on who you are inside. Maybe there’s something about your personality that you don’t like. I thought I was too emotional and moody, and I probably was. Using the same technique from above, you’re going to start affirming yourself.
Take out a journal and pen and begin with gratitude. What are somethings you are grateful for? It could be anything. Mine always begins with being grateful for my family and our relationships. Then, I make a dotted line and begin writing gratitude for things that I don’t have but wish I did on a personal level.
I’m not talking about material things, but if that’s what you feel like writing about, then go for it. It’s your journal.
When you begin to write things such as I’m so grateful for the confidence I’ve harvested and I’m excited that I can easily connect with other people, your subconscious begins to believe this as reality. Think about it, why would you be writing about the feelings about things that aren’t true?
Your subconscious doesn’t pick up on this little trick.
Now, just start writing affirmations. Use “I am” statements. I am loved, I am compassionate, I am patient, I am worthy, I am… You get the point. It’s the same idea as before. The more you repeat it, the more you believe it.
It’s as simple as a mind game on yourself.
